Tad different from an average day.

Yo.
Hopefully I'll be able to continue this new resolution, that is to update my daily encounters.
The day was kind of boring, but again, I don't expect anything more nowadays. The same old getting up late, having breakfast, then studying. I managed to study a hell lot of physics.
Then whether it was the weather or whether it wasn't the weather, I don't know, but everything was gloomy and damp. The humidity level was opressove, which effected my mood a lot. Deciding I would read I book, I ended up at my PC. Heh.
The morning was extremely drowsy, and I managed to swat it away uneventfully.
I don't know if you'd believe me or not, but seriously, the evening was uneventful too. Uneventful as it could be.
And here I am now, writing this.
I'd like to state something. You know, life is bad. Everyone knows that. The power of making it good lies in your own hands itself. And the very first step of feeling happy is to acknowledge even the bad things as good. I don't know how much sense that made, but that's how I put it. Even though it was one Dante's hell of a boring day, I managed to find entertainment. Like I do almost everyday, whenever I have a holiday. There are these little things - songs, pieces of writing,  texts from your friends which lighten up your mood - which are there to ensure that you don't die. I mean, not literally, but you get the gist right? They are not huge parts of your life - you forget about them eventually. Trivial things, after all. But think how they're your constant sources of happiness, admit it, you do rely on them to make you feel better. They're the things in our peripheral lives. :)
Okay, enough philosophy. I don't know how I managed to write that.
So, signing off now.
P.S. I didn't see any of my cats today. It makes me extremely sad.
Signing off.

It's so bad that it's almost funny.

I don't even remember the last time I posted. I'm such a bad person. I resolve to write and fail. All the time. I don't know what's gotten into me, but I don't feel like writing anymore. I can already feel/see its bad effects, evident in my inability to express myself properly to others, wrote my answers, or simply my journal. The last part was a lie, since I don't remember the last time I updated my journal either.
The whole point of writing journal/blogs is to express yourself when you're unable to do so by speaking. Also to reread these stuffs later on - maybe in the future? - and think about the old times. At least that's what my view is about them.
But all I do is lazy about and mope about how I'm a bad person and ultimately prove myself to be a couch potato, however much I try not to.
So, yo, I seriously need to write now.
Considering I'm having a writer's block, I'll just write my daily accounts, because I can't think up a proper story/poem to post.
So, this be it.

Cats.

Hello there.
Cats are such fascinating creatures. They'll annoy the hell out of you, make you question your existence, consider every single part of your body as their bed, will take it for granted that every object that you own is automatically theirs. But however much you want to kill them and sacrifice their soul to Satan, you can't help but adore and pet them at the end of the day.
   Considering I have around 4-5 cats, it's kind of obvious that cats take up an important part of my life. Since my childhood, I'd been convinced that I was a cat. I used to behave like a cat (deliberately, because I wasn't exactly THAT sure about my decision), yawn like a cat, and even tried to sleep like a cat, but my human form made me ditch that idea. I once tried licking my hand clean, and it was hella gross. I don't recommend it.
    Even today, I have this instinct that I mentioned in my previous post of mewing at the most unusual and during the worst of situations. I cannot help it, believe me. If you wanna be my friend, you have to cope with this habit. Just don't complain if I mewl near your ear throughout the day.
    Primary reason why I'm sating my feline interests, is that I actually changed my blog's name to Ailurophile, which means lover of felines. Cats never fail to make my day, and if I see any of those furry creatures even once a day, my life feels worth living. So, yeah. That's pretty much it.
    If you don't like cats, start liking them. They aren't meant to be hated. They are angels sent from heaven to keep an eye on the ever growing arrogant, insignificant, annoying, hideous, unnecessary, jobless, problematic, troublemaking, egoistic, punny human population.
    I kid you not.

Stuffs I would like to change about myself.

A few days ago my teacher gave me an article to write about on "5 things I'd like to change about myself." I thought it was a pretty easy topic, considering the long list I had had in my mind. But when I actually started writing that, I realised that only listing 5 things wasn't that easy. There are so-freaking-many things I want to change about myself, it's weird. And more than 5? Pfft. Easily.

•Firstly, about my temper. Those of you who know me, will know what I'm talking about. I'm extremely short tempered. I don't know man, it's so hard for me to just stay calm during those situations. I know a lot of people pull my legs for that, but I don't care. When I feel as if my soul won't rest in peace until I murder a few people, I don't give a hang for what others are saying about me. But, no, I really need to change this. Like, get a hold on my temper. Most of the time, I say stuff that I regret later. But there are situations which make me so angry, when I don't like to give a second thought to what I'm about to speak. Like, when people spell my name wrong. (IT'S WITHOUT AN 'H', DAMMIT) or when people don't go by what I say, or simply when people don't reply to my texts. These are childish, but believe me, you wouldn't want to meet me when I'm angry.

•The second thing that I'd like to change is an unusual instinct of mine. The thing is, when I was a kid, I was convinced that I was a cat. So, some of those things are still stuck to me. I squeak or mewl or simply hiss like a cat when I get startled or surprised. It really is embarrassing, but I cannot help it! I'd screamed accidentally a lot of times in the middle of a class, making my teacher question my species. I should change it, like, really, really, fast. But hey, being a cat is fin, however embarrassing it is. Meaw.

•The most important of all: procrastination. Severe procrastination. Okay, I know a lot of people who procrastinate, but I think I've really got it bad. Even this article took way long to finish than it should've if I'd been a good girl and typed this without procrastinating. This thing has often led me to finish school-works just before the day of submission, prepare speeches the night before its delivery, and not to mention my incredible to power to mug up chapters just the night before the exams even if I had a whole month vacation. I seriously need to motivate myself, pay heed to the piles of stuff that I always ignore in my peripheral mind and work. I don't really need to list the problems I'd get into if I don't change it. Fast.

•Another problem is my food habit.  That's like, the major trouble. I never take my food on time, and so I always lose my appetite during the meal times, however tasty the food might look, and regretting my previous decision. But, c'mon, man, who has ever controlled their hunger in the history of humankind? I can't help it; I have to have food when I'm hungry, however ungodly the hour is. Midnights included. I can talk big about having a healthy diet and all its constituents, but don't ever ask me if I follow it if you don't want a big fat 'NO'.

•The fifth problem with me is that I like to roll my sleeves up.  Be it t-shirts, shirts, hoodies, or simply a traditional kurti. I just have to have the sleeves rolled up. I feel extremely uncomfortable when I'm wearing a full sleeved dress and I have to keep my sleeves down for the sake of fashion, duh. I know that people prevent me to do it mainly because this is boyish, and I was supposed to come out of my boyishness by now. True, I was a tomboy once, and desperately wanted to be a boy. But that's once upon a time. I'm almost girlish now, but this habit of rolling sleeves up simply won't go. Here lies the fact that I like to wear stuff that are comfortable, and not just for show. Rolling sleeves up make me feel comfortable, so I do it, and this has resulted in the holes to get bigger. My parents have told me zillion times to stop but, nah. I cannot make myself do it. The only reason I will have to change it because if I ever go in any formal situation, I might end up with the sleeves up, and that might seem disrespectful, or simply too informal. That's it.

•The next thing is to convince myself to let my fingernails grow.  Believe me, it's impossible, you and I both know it. I cannot keep my nails undisturbed for a few days and let them grow. I'm extremely impatient, and it's horribly hard for me wait for that eternity in which my nails will grow and satisfy me. Nope. Nope. Actually, come to think of it, I don't really need to change it. Who cares if my nails are short or long? Shorter nails can be pretty too, and mine are nice by girl standards. So, no big deal. Cancel it, I don't want this to change. The only thing here I would definitely like to change is to keep myself from biting them short. All of us know the consequences of biting nails, so I'm not going to state them here.

•okay, this might seem a bit serious.  I need to control my feelings. Now, let me get this straight, I can conceal my feelings well, like, really well. I can very well be crushing over someone, or, heaven forbid, be in love with anyone right now. But I'll happily die everyday slowly from inside than go to them and let go of my feelings. Simply because, nothing's going to work out ever. So, I don't see the need to sweat over the problem and successfully swallow everything in. After all, I have my attitude to cover it up. *Wink* Anyway, the problem here is, I develop feelings quite easily. Like, I can talk to someone one day, and day dream about them the next day. The only positive thing about this is, I'm absolutely sure that these go away, the feelings. So no harm done. Those of which don't go away... well, there's not much I can do, can I? So, to change about myself, I'd like to have a reign over my feelings. Yep, that's it.

•The previous one was really weird.  Okay, right now, I can't think of anything else. That's probably the last point: To note down things when I have them in mind. When I started writing this I had so much to write, now I can't even remember anything to type. Dammit. 

These are probably the major stuff I'd like to change about myself.  Other than these, there are lots. Like, doodling wherever I find space, speaking my mind without any filter (But I think that's a good thing, so don't bother including this in the list) and, oh, yes, ignoring my online friends. I always brag about how a good friend I am, how I never ignore texts, how I'll always stay with them forever. But, at the end of the day, my messengers are filled with messages, asking me to reply them. Except for a few, I don't reply to anyone. I'm just too lazy or lose interest easily. In this way, I've destroyed lots of friendships and I obviously don't look forward to do that again, but again, I cannot help it. I'm extremely moody as I mentioned earlier, and replying depends on my moods. I'm sorry for that, I really am, but it's actually really hard to change. Another thing is that I overthink a lot. Like, a hell lot. This ultimately leads to tensions and bad thoughts which are probably completely irrelevant with the concerned situation. That's probably how I function. Agh.

Of course,  along with the things I'd like to change about myself, there are things which I sincerely hope never change. But that's up to others. What they like about me, I don't know, honestly, I've got no idea. But changes happen with time, and nowadays it's flowing too fast. Definitely, I have to change my views to cope up with everything. These could be bad, or even worse than it is. After all, there still remains the saying that, whenever something bad happens, goodness comes in alongside. (Or, did I just make that up? I'm not sure if it existed a second before.)

Little girl.

Once there was a little girl,
But now there's only an empty soul.
Because she had opened
The locks to all her doors.
The door to her fears,
The door to her secrets,
The door to her fears.
And also the one to her heart.
For she had fallen in love,
For all it was worth.
Fallen in love uncertainly.
Without knowing the meaning of the enchanted word.
Such an innocent girl she was,
Oblivious of the cruelties love can bring,
Nothing could have broken her daydream
Of the promises and the wedding ring.
She had hope, she had expectations.
She thought nothing could go wrong.
For, nothing was going to punish her
For the things she had longed.
But, sweetheart, says who?
See the consequences now.
Everything is broken, everything is irreversible,
Everything is utterly broken down.
She was an idiot
To see her heart away,
To the pretending prince she had loved,
Who broke it into pieces and
Shoved them away.
Only hollowness and darkness,
A huge blank whole,
Once there was a little girl,
But now there's an empty soul.

How to remember birthdays.

Celebrating a birthday is so dumb, according to me. But obviously, not so dumb for those whose birthday is getting celebrated. I mean, who doesn't even like their birthday to get celebrated? Of course everyone does. But the concept itself of celebrating the day you're born is super dumb.

I mean, man, you just got entered into this massive ball of unfairness otherwise known as the earth! What good will it do to you, other than maybe change the way you were born originally as?

Meh, never mind. The point is, I'm here to tell you how to remember birthdays.
There's only one way:
•DON'T.

You don't have to remember birthdays. If you do, you'll have to buy them gifts. If you don't you can tell them you forgot. Simple.

Personally, I don't remember birthdays at all. Just saying.

Dammit, it's broken

Last night I found out
That I do have a heart,
One that beats with a rhythm
And one that beats for him.
People say hearts are strong,
Whereas some are brittle,
But I don't know which one is mine,
Perhaps both?
For it has suffered a lot.
Tears, happiness, and whatnot.
Why did he give me hope?
Why did he make me crazy?
Oh, why was I so blind,
To see, that the future was totally hazy?
False hopes, fake smiles,
All thrown at me without hesitation.
Whereas I'm stuttering here,
To even send a little indication.
I gave my heart away,
With a cloth round my eyes.
That there might be another face behind that mask,
I failed to realize.
Just a crush at first, only an infatuation.
Who knew, I was getting ready to die for him,
Without a little hesitation?
I knew it was the wrong path,
And before I knew, I was walking down it,
An unknown place, with an unknown fear,
Knowing there's no end to it.
Until he finally stopped, that realization hit me hard.
That I finally realized what I've done,
That I'd given everything up for a jerk,
Who tore my only heart into shards.
All the dears and the sweethearts that he'd said
Are now empty scars on my heart.
Which, dammit, is now broken.
Thanks to him, that fathead.
Also, who helped me awaken.